Funny Quotes 2013: Very Funny Quotes

Very Funny Quotes Definition

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Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?

I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody, and you’re next.

Please don’t make me kill you.

And your point is…?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.

I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

You KNOW you want me.

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear.

I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun

(1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t!

(2) I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

(3) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

(4) You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

(5) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

(6) I’m not a complete idiot–some parts are missing.

(7) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

(8) NyQuil – The stuffy, sneezy, why-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

(9) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather . . . not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

(10) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

(11) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

(12) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

(13) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

(14) MOP AND GLOW – Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

(15) Frankly, Scallop, I Don’t Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)

(16) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up

(17) Procrastinate Now

(18) Rehab Is for Quitters

(19) My Dog Can Lick AnyoneEveryone needs to use a good love quote at one time or another. While some of us use such quotations to discuss the subject of love in public, there are others who may need these quotes while talking to their loved ones. Here are a few good love quotes that you could and would want to use at different times.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.

Olin Miller
If you think there are no new frontiers, watch a boy ring the front doorbell on his first date.

Victor Hugo
The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.

Marcel Proust
Like everybody who is not in love, he thought one chose the person to be loved after endless deliberations and on the basis of particular qualities or advantages.

Woodrow Wyatt
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

Alice Adams
There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves.

Robert Browning
Take away love and our earth is a tomb.

Barbara Johnson
Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.

W Stanley Mooneyham
Love talked about can be easily turned aside, but love demonstrated is irresistible.

Mother Teresa
Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.

Pablo Picasso
Love is the greatest refreshment in life.

Janos Arnay
In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.

Germaine de Stael
Love is the emblem of eternity: it confounds all notion of time: effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end.

Louise Hay
Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.

Theodor Reik
Work and love -- these are the basics. Without them there is neurosis.

Smiley Blanton
Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves. Its eternal goal is life.

Theodor Reik
Love is an attempt to change a piece of a dream world into reality.

Og Mandino
Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished.

Mignon McLaughlin
Love is the silent saying and saying of a single name.

Henry Van Dyke
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
He makes your heart dance with joy. He mesmerizes you with his eyes. With him, time melts into nothingness. His touch makes you feel loved; his words soothe your heart. You think about him day and night. His words echo in your head, and you can't help smiling to yourself. You are in love.

If you have found your true love, cherish him with your heart and soul. True love is a rare jewel. You are lucky to find one. Do not waste time in self-doubt and confusion.

The first phase of courtship usually lasts a few weeks, perhaps a few months. After dating him for a while, you will know whether he is right for you. You will miss him when he is not around. You will find yourself keen to be with him again. If you feel a strong attraction towards this special person, you have met Mr. Right.

I have seen many a relationship failing because of too much analysis. Do not overanalyze your relationship using logic or checklists. Let your heart take the lead. While it is natural for lovers to whisper sweet nothings, it is also likely that you have had a few arguments. If you have quarreled about petty matters, do not think that your love has reached a dead-end. You will find that when you make up after a fight, you love each other even more.

The man you love may not be a handsome prince who sweeps you off your feet. Your love should be your friend and confidante. You may not have a whirlwind romance with him, but if he makes you feel secure, he is the man for you.

Your lover needs to know how much he means to you. Don't hesitate to say, "I love him." Grab the opportunity to express your deepest feelings. Here are some love quotes for him. Win over your sweetheart with these love quotes for him.
Sam Keen
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Erich Fromm
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'

Dave Barry
What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What men want: Tickets for the world series.

John Keats
I love you the more in that I believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man is a little thing while he works by and for himself; but when he gives voice to the rules of love and justice, he is godlike.

Louis De Berniere
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love,' which any of us can convince ourselves we are.