Funny Quotes 2013: Funny Quotes Pictures

Funny Quotes Pictures Definition

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If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."
More funny Bill Cosby quotes
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.
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Parents like the idea of kids, they just don't like their kids.
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Smack your child every day. If you don't know why -- he does.
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Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.
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I like children. Properly cooked.
More funny W. C. Fields quotes
Children are a great comfort in your old age -- and they help you reach it faster, too.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
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Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.
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I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
More funny Erma Bombeck quotes
The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
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My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
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I want to have children and I know my time is running out: I want to have them while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
More funny Erma Bombeck quotes
You make 'em, I amuse 'em.
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Before I was married, I had a hundred theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three children and no theories.
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I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. (Horse Feathers)
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You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. (Horse Feathers)
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Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
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Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children.
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In automobile terms, the child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.
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There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age.
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I love kids. I was a kid myself, once.
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I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant
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Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
More funny Sam Levenson quotes
When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.
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Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
More funny Roseanne Barr quotes
When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I've done my job.
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Your sons weren't made to like you. That's what grandchildren are for.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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I didn’t make Dale Jr. go be a racer. The kid wanted to be a racer. I’d just as soon him be a doctor, a preacher or whatever. I’m not sure I’d want him to be a lawyer.
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Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
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The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
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Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.
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When you are 12, you no longer need the parents.
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A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"
More funny Fran Lebowitz quotes
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
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I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible...and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.
More funny Victor Borge quotesThe Manchester United legend is retiring at the age of 71 - and during his years as manager he entertained us not only with his team's performance, but also his way with words. From rants to put-downs, expressions of delight to occasional bafflement But by far the best has come from those who've riffed on the romantic phrase, 'Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue'. And if these aren't enough to make your smile, check out these awkward couple photos and funny Valentine's Day quotes. funny or particularly thought provoking. You’ll want to choose your quotes or statistics carefully to ensure they resonate with your target market. You should also ensure your image and quote complements the industry you’re in. Since there are so many "First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden hosted a special Mother's Day tea to honor military mothers and show their appreciation and thanks for all the important work they do as well as the sacrifices their families have made in service of is an iPhone app developed by Alek. In Time to Smile!, you will see the best amusing and uplifting content curated from around the web, including the best jokes, funny pictures, anecdotes, quotes, sayings, and more. You can browse all of the content at Limetree is both a website and a mobile app for iOS which lets you chronicle pictures, videos, and funny sayings from your kids in an ongoing timeline of events both big and small. The app creates a virtual journal of audio and video memories, and I love .

Quoto is made up of a team of expert editors with a keen eye for errors, which ensures all quotes are correct and from an authoritative source. For more information on Quoto, or to find a short motivational message, visit quoto.com. Your most This would satisfy Pete's career fears, but the non-creative partners were insistent he keep hold of Bob Benson, who'd clocked up some time in Detroit before he'd come back to New York to essentially declare his love for Pete in last week's episode. Grumpy Cat, whose real name is Tardar Sauce, has what seems to be a permanent scowl on her face, which allows her owners to create all kinds of funny sayings for her memes notes to websites using the dogs’ image as their own and has started adding thoughtful and funny quotes. In addition to accurate quotes from a variety of historic and contemporary individuals, The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.

    The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between.

    The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.

    The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.

    The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.

    The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.

    There are no great things, only small things with great love. Happy are those.

    There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in - that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible.

    There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.

    There must be a reason why some people can afford to live well. They must have worked for it. I only feel angry when I see waste. When I see people throwing away things that we could use.

    We are all pencils in the hand of God.

    We can do no great things, only small things with great love.

    We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.

    We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

    We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.

    We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.

    We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.