Funny thanksgiving quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

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"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." - Jon Stewart

"Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, Here, kitty, kitty." - David Letterman
"Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty." - Michael Dresser
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." – Johnny
"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor." - Phyllis Diller
"My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow." – Rita Rudner
"I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable." - Todd Barry
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants." - Kevin James
"Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt." - Roseanne Barr
"On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment - halftime." - Author Unknown
"One distinguishing mark of an unregenerate man is ingratitude." – E. J. Conrad
"We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing." – George Carlin
Thanksgiving has inspired some of the funniest Thanksgiving jokes, quotes and sayings. So, sit back and get ready for some of the funniest jokes around.

How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
He was very thinkful.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

-- Funny Thanksgiving Jokes --

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

What does a Pilgrim call his best friend?
A palgrim.

Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language.

-- Funny Thanksgiving Jokes --

Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
To try to hatchet!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"
Student: "Baseballs."
Teacher: "Baseballs?"
Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"

-- Funny Thanksgiving Jokes --

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all.

What always comes at the end of Thangsgiving?
The letter G!

-- Funny Thanksgiving Jokes --

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"
His friends who had got quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"
The father said with a long-drawn face, "Do you think it is so easy to catch it?"

Teacher: "Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?"
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

-- Funny Thanksgiving Jokes --

Two pilgrims go out hunting. One has two blunderbusses (guns).
The second pilgrim asks, “Why do you have two blunderbusses?”
The first pilgrim explains, “I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again”. The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says, “Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?”

What do you get if you cross a pointy black hat and some leftover turkey?
A Witch-bone

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A poultrygeist! 

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes

Funny Thanks Giving Quotes