Funny Quotes 2013: Awesome Funny Quotes

Awesome Funny Quotes Definition

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Someone told me to give my ex directions but I told them that DOGS can always find there way home.
People say everything happens for a reason... well when I punch you in the face remember that happened for a reason!
Don't get jealous when you see your ex with someone else because we were always told to give our toys to the less fortunate.
That awkward moment when you finish a math problem and your answer isn't even one of the choices.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! Sincerely, The Opportunist
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
Every man sees his second mother in his wife but every woman sees her first child in her husband.
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
For April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post updates on who they stalk.
You call them swear words, I call them sentence enchanters.
If not for Halloween, Easter would be my favorite zombie-related holiday.
Happy Easter from one lapsed Catholic to another.
A nice Jewish man rising from the dead seems less miraculous than finding one I can date.
Let's resume everything we gave up for Lent without any new found spiritual insights.
Let's just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ.
Easter may be the wrong time to tell my parents you're a Jew.
Let's take a break from debating gay marriage to remember an unmarried 33-year-old man who hung out with 12 dudes.
Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be.
I wish I was resurrected from the dead on Sunday so I had an excuse for taking off work on Monday
I wonder if Jesus will make a special appearance on The Walking Dead this Sunday.
Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross.
It would take a lot more than 30 pieces of silver for me to betray you to murderous authorities unless we were in a major recession.
Please join us for Easter dinner unless you've already committed to Satan.
A real miracle would be Jesus turning water into less expensive gasoline.
Sorry I said TGIF on the anniversary of your god's son's violent execution.
You're old enough to be told that the Easter Bunny and Jesus aren't real.
I wish the resurrection of our lord and savior was deemed important enough for a day off work.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
Love Is Not About Expressing Lovely Words Its about Understanding A gentle Touch Of Pure Heart !! And Friendship is To Sit Together And Laugh About The Nonsense Said Above.
Don't steal, don't lie and don't cheat. The government hates competition
When life gives you a Bad Romance, show everyone your Poker Face, buy a new Telephone, call Alejandro, and you guys Just Dance!:D
204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and yet I can't find a decent relationship..
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. -Erich Segal,
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question -Lily Tomlin
Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance. -Unknown
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. -Henry Youngman
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. -Mae West
Always marry the man of your age because if your beauty will fade so will his eye sight. -Unknown, funny love quote.
Don't fall for anyone, unless they are willing to catch you. -Unknown
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. -Albert Einstein
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it. -Woody Allen
I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them. -Mae West, funny love quotes.
The bravest thing that men do is love women -Mort Sahl
One should always be in love. That is the reason why one should never marry. -Oscar Wilde
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. -Woody Allen
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. -Melanie Clark
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. -Groucho Marx
Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do. -Josh Billings
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. - Woody Allen
One is very crazy when in love. -Sigmund Freud
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell -Joan Crawford
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. -Samuel Johnson
You call it madness, but I call it love. -Don Byas
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. -Unknown
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?" -Sigmund Freud
Never sign a Valentine with your own name. -Charles Dickens
Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to. -Alfred Montapert
Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life. -Unknown
I have great hopes that we shall greatly appreciate each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. -Lord Byron
It is impossible to love and be wise -Francis Bacon
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. -Albert Einstein
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. -Cathy Carlyle
Love is being stupid together. -Paul Valery
Love is a grave mental disease -Plato
Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. -Christopher Marlowe
Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended. -Cher
Love is just like a card game; first kick out the jokers, then throw away hearts, keep the diamond and try to win the king. -Unknown
Love is a promise delivered already broken. -Steve Martin
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw -Fran Lebowitz
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. -Albert Einstein
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. -Winston Churchill
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. -Brendan Francis
Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull. -H. L. Mencken, funny love quotes.
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty. -Unknown
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one. -Mae West
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. -Melanie Griffith
Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one -Glenn Beck
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. -Pearl Bailey
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. -Unknown
Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat. -Ben Hecht
Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman -Oscar Wilde
But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down -Woody Allen
Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. -Unknown, funny love quotes.
I am not one of those who do not believe in love at first sight, but I believe in taking a second look. -H. Vincent funny love quotes.
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -Agatha Christie
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? -Bette Midler
Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing. -Jonathon Swift
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species -W. Somerset Maugham
Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate -Sandra J. Dykes, funny love quotes.
The only people who make love all the time are liars -Louis Jordn