Funny Quotes 2013: Funny Daily Quotes

Funny Daily Quotes Definition

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All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.
Dalai Lama
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
Zig Ziglar
Without deep reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.
Albert Einstein
Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.
Mahatma Gandhi
It is necessary to help others, not only in our prayers, but in our daily lives. If we find we cannot help others, the least we can do is to desist from harming them.
Dalai Lama
In our daily life, we encounter people who are angry, deceitful, intent only on satisfying their own needs. There is so much anger, distrust, greed, and pettiness that we are losing our capacity to work well together.
Margaret J. Wheatley
The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.
William Morris
Memorial Day this year is especially important as we are reminded almost daily of the great sacrifices that the men and women of the Armed Services make to defend our way of life.
Robin Hayes
Let everyone try and find that as a result of daily prayer he adds something new to his life, something with which nothing can be compared.
Mahatma Gandhi
That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.
Elizabeth Wurtzel
No man can succeed in a line of endeavor which he does not like.
Napoleon Hill
Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.
Victor Hugo
Depend upon yourself. Make your judgement trustworthy by trusting it. You can develop good judgement as you do the muscles of your body - by judicious, daily exercise. To be known as a man of sound judgement will be much in your favor.
Grantland Rice
If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for the Creator, there is no poverty.
Rainer Maria Rilke
All brave men love; for he only is brave who has affections to fight for, whether in the daily battle of life, or in physical contests.
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Habit converts luxurious enjoyments into dull and daily necessities.
Aldous Huxley

If you watch a clown show, you realize that the clown enacts scenes from daily life and puts them in a funny perspective. Humor is a balm that soothes the pain of a tragedy and makes it look like a comedy. If you want to adopt a sense of humor, begin by laughing at yourself. Here are some funny quotes to live by.
Joey Adams
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.
Samuel Butler
Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
Elbert Hubbard
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
George Carlin
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Robert Brault
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.
Djuna Barnes
Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.
Robert Bloch
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Margaret Thatcher
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
Bill Cosby
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." -Victor Borge
"Laughter is an instant vacation." -Milton Berle
“The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” -Albert Einstein
“A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often” -Oliver Herford
Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.- Charles Schulz
You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them. –Unknown
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.” -Albert Einstein
Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.- Unknown
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar
“I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know?” -Barry Cryer
“Man has will… but woman has her way.” –Unknown
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself.”- Ethel Barrymore
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.- Unknown
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” - Dale Carnegie
"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work."
Pearl Bailey
‘I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.'
Dorothy Parker.
‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.’
Aristotle
‘If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?’
Anonymous
‘Love is like a river, always changing, but always finding you again somewhere down the road.’
Kelly Elaine
’Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.’
Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.
‘Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.’
Anon
“When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.”
Natalie Clifford Barney
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."
Rita Rudner’ Love is just a chocolate substitute.’
Melanie Clark
‘I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.’
Anonymous
‘We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.’
Tim McGraw
‘My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.’
Lee Iacocca
‘If you walk in front of me, I may not follow.
If you walk behind me, I may not lead.
If you walk beside me, I will be your friend.’
Albert Camus
‘You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.’
Chico Marx
"Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too."
Joyce Carol Oates
’A kiss is an application on the top floor a job in the basement.’
Unknown
‘Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.’
Anonymous
‘Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.’
Thomas Robert Dewar
'Women are cursed, and men are the proof.'
Rosanne Barr.
'Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.'
Mickey Rooney.
‘I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.’
Anonymous
‘Sales Ad at a Store: 'You are my one and only' valentine cards, now on sale: 4 for $5.’
Anonymous
’Falling in love is so hard on the knees.’
Aerosmith
‘Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.’
Happy Valentines Day. (note to her gardener) Martha Stewart
‘A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years…’
Rupert Brooke
‘Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house.’
"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."
David Viscott
“Love wouldn't be blind if the Braille weren't so damned much fun."
Unknown
“Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life”
Lord Byron
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart ! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
Robert Orben
‘It's not that I can't live without you...it's just that I don't even want to try.’
'Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.'
Mae West.
'Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.'
Groucho Marx.